Dealing with Miscarriage and Telling Other People

March 28, 2011

Dealing with miscarriage is a difficult process in itself. Sadness, anger, fear, guilt and grief all come together in a mishmash of emotions so overwhelming that a few are still mourning the loss of a child, no matter that it was an unborn one, decades later. Most of the women who availed of resources in emotional healing, such as Beyond Pregnancy Loss, have accepted their losses while still honoring the memories of their babies.

But we cannot live forever in an island of grief closed off from other people. At some point during your grieving process, we must deal with people while also dealing with our loss. Yes, it can be difficult to do so especially when we still have strong emotions about the miscarriage but it is not impossible.

Telling others can be a challenge after miscarriage

To Tell or Not to Tell

Arguably, dealing with a miscarriage will be different for each of us. Many of us may have announced the pregnancy awhile others have not.  This difference can add some complexity to our healing depending on how compassionate those people are toward our loss.

In either case, certain unique challenges are present. If we have chosen to tell about our pregnancy, we may then have to tell the same people about your miscarriage. If we chose to keep our pregnancy a secret, we may have a difficult time telling people about our miscarriage. It will certainly come as a surprise to them and a few may even feel hurt that we did not tell them about the pregnancy.

Indeed, dealing with a miscarriage can be complicated when other people come into the equation. But reaching out to others can also be our path toward emotional healing.

Dealing with People

So, what’s the best way to deal with people in either case? The best answer is that there is no best way. Your personality, circumstances and condition are factors that affect how you deal with people regarding the miscarriage. These tips, nonetheless, can help:

• Only divulge what you are comfortable telling other people. You are not obligated to tell everybody your emotions, difficulties and burdens.
• Avoid people who diminish your sense of loss. You have the right to say that your feelings are your own and nobody has the right to downplay your baby’s life, no matter how short it may have been.
• Surround yourself with people who are positive and supportive of your path toward emotional healing even the parts where negativity comes into play.

The most important thing in successfully dealing with a miscarriage is to give yourself time to resolve your personal issues first before being made to deal with other people before you are ready for it.

Talk to you soon

Helen

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