As well as feeling our own pain when a loved one dies, we may need to help our other children manage the pain and bewilderment of a miscarriage and the loss of a potential brother or sister.
1. Be Open and Inclusive
It is tempting to try to shield them from the pain of loss by excluding them from the experience, but while this comes from good intentions, it may actually do more harm than good.
It is important that children are included in the process and are treated with care and honesty. Keeping children away from the loss is robbing them of the opportunity to understand death and the precious memories it brings.
Excluding them can cause lasting confusion, hurt and resentment.
2. Let Them Say Good Bye
Like adults, children need to say goodbye to someone special and have a sense of completion.
Just like us, they can only do this when they have the opportunity to be involved.
When they can honour the special person and the relationship they shared and express their feelings of loss and grief it helps start the healing process, allowing them to adjust to the feelings brought about by the loss.
3. Children Understand
Even small children can understand and share pain. Our explanations need to be simple and age appropriate.
Of course, for younger children, their awareness of the loss and their ability to express their feelings will depend on their age and stage of development.
4. Finally…Answer Their Questions Honestly
Most children will ask questions if they know that there has been a loss and it is important that we attempt to answer them as honestly as possible – no matter how hard this is for us.
Otherwise, they can get caught up in their own imagination, making the situation worse than it actually is. Their strength, awareness and understanding is often much greater than we give them credit for.
Take care until next time
Helen.
