A single miscarriage is a difficult experience as it is. Those of us who haven’t experienced more than one can only imagine the extreme anguish, anxiety and grief that comes with multiple miscarriages. I have heard of women describing such succession of miscarriages as similar to knives piercing the heart over and over again with each pregnancy loss and I can only imagine that repeated pain.
A multiple miscarriage is defined as 3 or more pregnancy losses and is also known as habitual miscarriage or recurrent miscarriage and the challenges are unique to every woman.
Just as a single miscarriage means different things to different women in terms of the intensity, frequency and duration of the grief process, so are multiple miscarriages different in each woman from one pregnancy loss to the next. After all, certain personal factors have changed within the person such that the succeeding miscarriage can either be harder or easier to take than the previous one.
Nonetheless, the intense feelings of sadness, anger and pain, among other negative emotions, are still present in all pregnancy losses. A loss by any other number is still a loss and, as human as we are, grief is a normal part of the loss of a should-have-been precious bundle of joy.
multiple miscarriages often rear another green monster – extreme anxiety that you will never become pregnant ever again. If your recurrent losses were for a firstborn child, your fears are understandable but not necessarily insurmountable.
Working with your obstetrician-gynecologist to understand the causes behind your multiple miscarriages may assist you to at least come to terms with why it is happening and how to make any changes necessary. Modern medical science has made many advances that enable doctors to identify the causes and, hence, provide appropriate treatment to achieve a successful pregnancy even after subsequent losses. Sadly in many instances the causes are not known and this adds another level of complexity to the grief we may feel.
Multiple Miscarriages can be a challenge for many of us to overcome
Coping with Multiple Miscarriages
Admittedly, a previous miscarriage does not necessarily make the succeeding losses easier on the heart and mind yet there are things we can do to ease to ease our pain and create a feeling of support like:
- Opening your heart and mind to allow other people to understand and perhaps become more compassionate toward your feelings. Talking about your loss and what it means to you can help you both in processing your emotions so that you can gain a better understanding of yourself.
- Create a memorial for each baby. Every single one of them was yours to honor – do it.
- Enjoy the activities you were once interested in.
Most important of all, believe that a successful pregnancy culminating in a precious bundle of joy is in your near future. You will come across success stories after the pain of multiple miscarriages in books like Beyond Pregnancy Loss – allow yourself to be inspired by them and imagine the day when you will receive what you so richly deserve.
Talk to you soon
Helen
