The medical definition for a miscarriage is easy to comprehend – the loss of the baby on or before its 20th week of the pregnancy. But it’s not as easy to comprehend the grief, anger, fear, sadness, guilt and pain that comes with the tragic event unless and until we have gone through the experience. Indeed, coping with a miscarriage may be dismissed by some as a simple matter of moving on but there are unique relationship and personal issues that must be dealt with.
Relationships
Miscarriage can bring couples closer and sometimes pull them apart
Undoubtedly, a miscarriage can deeply affect a couple’s relationship. You can, however, choose to either make the pregnancy loss tear your partnership apart or make it bring you closer together. Emotional healing after a miscarriage must be a team effort especially if the couple wants to stay together as a unit.
The difficulty in coping with the loss as a team can be made difficult because of the different ways that individuals respond to it. Add in the often different perspectives between a man and a woman about the loss and the road to healing for the couple becomes even muddled.
In the end, both individuals must understand that each one is coping with a miscarriage in different ways but that does not mean that there is no common ground in which to meet. Good communication is the key here so that the other one is not left guessing as to what the other is thinking or feeling.
On a personal level there are many emotions that can affect how you cope with your loss and understanding these is the first step.
• Guilt may come into play if you feel that it was your failure to protect your baby that made you lose it. I should have done this, I should have done that but didn’t – this can often be the tape playing over and over in our head.
• Anger can come from actions that were or weren’t taken on the part of the medical professionals, anger at the world for letting it happen, anger at other pregnant women and their children, and even anger at your partner for not being there for you.
• Sadness is often the first emotion experienced in a loss normally signified by endless oceans of tears.
All of these emotions will be experienced often in a roller-coaster ride that is physically and emotionally exhausting.
Facing these emotions is critical so that emotional healing can follow. With the book and its accompanying workbook – Beyond Pregnancy Loss – you can finally find the peace you have been searching for by knowing the effective ways of coping with a miscarriage.
Until next time
Helen
