Survivor guilt is the feeling of guilt we get when we have survived something that someone else hasn’t. Generally, we think of survivor guilt relating to a major disaster such as an earthquake or plane crash, but survivor guilt is not exclusive to this type of tragedy.
Survivor guilt can be experienced within the realm of pregnancy loss when we feel that our experiences have been easier or less traumatic than those of others. As always, we have a tendency to compare the extent of our pain and suffering with others who have had a similar experience. Human nature dictates that we down play our feelings if we think that someone else is ‘worse off’ than us. When it comes to pregnancy loss, many people consider a late loss more traumatic than an early loss, but we all know that this isn’t the case. The extent of any loss can only be determined by the person who experienced it. Each loss stands alone in terms of its impact on us and we are entitled to move through the recovery process in our own way. How others handle their own loss is not our responsibility.
Mothers, in particular, can experience the feelings of survivor guilt because we have survived when our babies haven’t. The best way to work through these feelings is to follow the emotional healing process. It’s important to challenge any irrational thoughts we are having about the event or our response to it. There is nothing wrong with surviving and making the most of our lives.
Take Care Until Next Time
Helen
