Coping with miscarriage can be challenging especially when we are uncertain how to respond. Pregnancy loss can mean different things to each of us and the significance that we place on each loss can also be different. Some responses are matter of fact and philosophical while others leave us immersed in grief for lengthy periods of time. Most are somewhere in between.
When we experience pregnancy loss we can’t tell if we are responding in the right way because we have no point of reference. We aren’t trained to behave in a particular way and there are no internal mechanisms to guide us. People who experience a very similar loss can respond completely differently, while people who have had vastly different experiences can respond similarly. There is simply no right or wrong way to deal with this because there is no single destination at which we all must arrive.
After a miscarriage there is no single destination that we all must reach.
The likelihood is that we have all known people who have had similar experiences to us but haven’t shared them, so we have precious little in terms of external guidance to provide us with a sense of how we could be feeling.
Without these internal or external guidance systems we find ourselves feeling completely alone with only our thoughts and emotions, which are often influenced by callous but well-meaning responses of other people. We often hear things like, “It wasn’t meant to be”, “It was nature’s way” and “At least you know you can get pregnant”. They all seem well intentioned and logical, but our hearts are left feeling lost, hurt and empty.
With increasing awareness pregnancy loss can be openly acknowledged as an important part of the life journey, no more or less significant than any other loss we may experience.
Until next time…
Helen
